Facebook Life Events #23: Met another asshole, leading to two theorems.

It wasn't me...
It wasn’t me…

WTF.  I just kicked the last three out of the house, and now ANOTHER one shows up.

I think the first one you meet starts a dossier, passes it on, etc. That’s my first theory: all the assholes are in cahoots.

My second theory stems from the fact that one of these prime specimens – (I mean, at least this one kept the kitchen tidy, which is something, except I don’t care. I really don’t.  It’s like, finding out that Idi Amin was captain of the Junior Bowling League, seemingly humanizing but ultimately just something random to ponder between beatings) – one of them always turns up around the time I have a new public showing of work and have to keep calm and collected (see davidroddis.com for details).

So I postulate that I send out special pheromones around these events. The more I think about it, there’s just no other possible explanation.  And that, Virginia, is theorem number two.

Bonus Offer: If any budding young scientist wants a really stand-out Master’s thesis, give me a call. I’m not cheap, but I’m willing.

Now hand me that bottle of Vim…