Why are we doing this when we could be doing that?


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A Slow, Painful Death Would Be Too Good for You (and Other Observations)

is now on sale in a NEWLY enhanced and redesigned edition!  Hardcover, paperback and e-book versions. Snarky yet sparkling satire and personal essays that make perfect reading for your catastrophically ruined summer, which is

like, the worst thing ever to have happened to anyone but especially YOU.

We understand. Get thee to a beach and suck some face, Murgatroyd McGraw, the better to attain herd immunity!

And if while lying on your “THIS ELECTION SUX” beach towel you start to feel stressed about Biden! but Kamala…. Biden! but Kamala… rest easier knowing you can distract yourself with my satirical, lyrical, occasionally hysterical, laugh-out-loud and ever-so-slightly-gay short-form writing.

Purchase now from all the usual online behemoths,


Purchase a signed, personalized copy directly from me while stocks last!

Don’t delay! If you miss out, you’ll be kicking yourself when I’m as famous as I’m ever going to be!

Because the only TLDR in my world stands for TOTALLY LOVE DAVID RODDIS!

So, like, basically, just rub the entire world with an onion.

—from “Onion Life Hacks”