(they ultimately FAIL.) Hi Brenda! Do you want to hear what the Conservative Party of Canada is mad about TODAY? Hi Matt! I do want to hear that! Sure as hockey pucks I do! Hold on, let me just stick this batch of butter tarts in the oven, then lick the mixing bowl! I just … Continue reading Matt and Brenda Make a Sincere Effort to Understand the Conservative Party of Canada’s Problem with Justin Trudeau While Brenda Makes Butter Tarts
In which case, congratulations Merry Coronadays, readers! Are you dead yet? No? What’s holding you up, and what can I do to encourage you? Because the latest stats show that you should be, with a standard deviation of ±3 percentage points. Get with the program and do your part, so everyone can be right about … Continue reading Joy to the World, Unless You’re Dead
Twenty-twenty has been just one ginormous lump of coal Remember when you were a kid, you used to get The Christmas Talk? Be a good girl, a nice boy, or Santa will put a lump of coal in your stocking. And you just rolled your eyes. A lump of coal! What kind of child-abusing scumbag … Continue reading For God’s Sake, Don’t Look in Your Stocking
You need to know that Trudeauphobia has its roots in the fear and loathing of straight males who are closing in for the kill. A clarification MOST OF US, HAVING SEEN Sophie-Grégoire and Justin Trudeau caught in a candid moment gazing adoringly into each other's eyes, or photogenically romping around with their three children; or … Continue reading Whatever Shall We Do About Justin?
I'm all for ideals. Some common sense would be good, too. "YOU PEOPLE" To kick off today's in-depth exploration of the obvious, let me ask you a question: Who gives a flying fuck about a miserable, bigoted, old white guy sportscaster with bad taste in clothing and worse taste in philosophy? As it happens, I'm … Continue reading All? Or Nothing at All?
These kids are the future. Assuming we have one. I’VE BEEN UNDERCOVER IN MY SAILOR SUIT AND adorable Hudson’s Bay dress shorts (available in Québec only in polyester, due to the current shortage of “pure laine;” nous sommes très très fucking désolés), chatting about Dr Seuss and reminiscing about The Friendly Giant with unsuspecting school-age Gen Zed-ers as … Continue reading Skipping rhymes of Gen Z
... plus: Facebook is the idiot-maker. Carolyn Strom, R.N.: Self-made victim of the Facebook justice system. IT BEING MY BIRTHDAY COMING UP and all, I treated myself, as one does, to a little bit of narcissistic self-analysis, in the form of the Myers-Briggs personality test. The Myers-Briggs personality test is perfect for when you've gotten … Continue reading We Sincerely Hope Our Election Won’t Disturb Your Sleep …
The SNC-Lavalin ruckus isn't really about SNC-Lavalin—it's about Justin. Gather around, boys and girls, as once again I pull my granddad pants up into my armpits and hook my Walter Brennan thumbs behind my suspenders. I've just awakened from a forty-eight-hour afternoon nap, which is why I'm so annoyingly perky, and though the time is … Continue reading SCANDAL!? Nothing we can’t handle!
somebody has to. I've had a most instructively contrary twenty-four hours and damn it, I mean to share. I've bashed my erstwhile Monday Man-Crush, The-Person-Called-Trudeau (I didn't mean it, baby, it must have been the string beans, honest!) in broad daylight on The Guardian's website (on the other hand you never picked up your cell, … Continue reading In which I get all squishy about Melania.
how to make a libtard hard (Justin, baby? Answer the phone?) September 2016 It's my birthday, and I am donning my tightest skinnies — no Kleenex-stuffing necessary, thank you very much, first in line — plus my "Only Gay In The Village" red sleeveless top in preparation for my man-crushing on this week's and … Continue reading Monday Man-Crush