Commercial Break: David plugs himself with a poll, suitable for all ages.

PRE-ORDER MY E-BOOK!

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Pre-order my e-book for only $10 and start 2018 dyspeptically right!

Yes, friends, the e-book of the blog is coming February 1st, 2018, and you have the option of pre-ordering NOW.  You luckybitches!

This will 1. Show me how much you care; 2. Help with the print edition (the cover of which is shown here) 3. Get YOU a reduced price special edition of the paperback when it rolls out Spring 2018.

{The print book will be available on (fingers crossed) Amazon, Barnes and Noble and other fine booksellers who have the taste and discernment to recognize my comic genius, or who at the very least are subject to the bribery/extortion/kidnapping-while-in-possession-of-an-old-rusty-refrigerator-that-still-has-its-door-attached-a-picture- of-their-kids-and-a-ticket-to-Niagara-Falls spectrum of behavior.

Inbound marketing, in other words. I hope this makes sense.}

My publication is in the form of a Pillow Book.

Yes, siree, a Pillow Book! The first, most famous Pillow Book (a kind of diary filled with aphorisms, clever stories and pungent commentaries on social life) was written by Sei Shōnagon during her time as court lady to Empress Consort Teishi during the 990s and early 1000s in Heian Japan. I’m kind of embarrassed to remind you of something so “common-knowledge”! Go on, roll your eyes, I deserve it!

Well, anyway, as many of my friends spend virtually all their waking hours in court, the similarities between Sei Shōnagon and me simply couldn’t be more obvious! I’m always thrilled to carry on a tradition!

I was also macrobiotic for a while, which basically means you eat Japanese food wherever you live and pretend that that’s better for you.  And I’m a trained and certified shiatsu therapist, which is a traditional Japanese type of energy massage.

Holy Rice Balls!  I’d better stop before I have to fire myself for being over-qualified!!!

Just don’t get the idea that my book has anything to do with Japan.  It doesn’t.  Not in the slightest. In fact, this blurb has more info to do with Japan than my entire e-book, which is to say, any content at all about Japan.  OK?  Moving along.

(No offense, but—are you always this high-maintenance?)

Both the print and the e-book will contain new, rejigged and painstakingly fluffed versions of your favorite posts from the past four years, and, with no good deed going unpunished, exclusive new content just for YOU!

This is you: “Oh, stop! Oh, STOP, the dyspeptic humor is just so—! Oh, my RIBS—!”

You’ll also get a checkout code entitling you to 30% OFF any item in my Snatsch ‘n Foofer online store, valid until 2019.

Look, just do it, OK?

» Here’s the link, if you didn’t work out you could actually click on the book cover image above.

A rather long poll

While we’re at it, take the poll (see above) and give me FREE advice!

Happy New Year to all my friends and followers – you’ve truly made 2017 bearable.  Let’s hang out more in 2018.

Love,

David

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I’m sorry if this makes it even worse to be you. But hey.

Dear followers, newcomers, and any assorted white trash who may have accidentally stumbled on this blog while searching hysterically for information about “crystal meth use lumps back of neck”:

Hot, hung, str8 WP theme design team takes a break from WP theme designing.
Hot, hung, str8 WP theme design team takes a break from WP theme designing.

As much as I hate to rub your face in it, it’s, like, totally awesome? To be me? Today’s manifestation of that hard, unavoidable fact is my lovely new look-and-feel, chosen from an absolute carload of available WordPress themes. This theme is called “Sorbet”. Which is pretty damn cute to a point just this side of the gag reflex.  Now, here’s the deal on the name, and I’m going to take this slowly: For those of you who don’t get the distinction between “ice cream” and  “frozen petroleum-byproduct dessert substitute – not to be taken internally”, a sorbet is –

Oh why do I bother.

A word on how I made this choice:
You may be wondering. Because I am gay, I am drawn, as is the moth to the flame, to edgy pastels, little girly icons, especially ♥, and any prominent title beginning with a potentially sibilant “S”. And, guess what?  “Sorbet” has all of those, in spades.  I tell ya – those hot, hung, 18+, straight designer dudes at WP obviously saw me coming. And if they watched me on Skype any time after midnight in the last week, they definitely did!

LOL!  Just kidding!

So that’s all, drones and dronettes. Dry those scalding hot tears of envy, throw back those rounded shoulders and get back to your pathetic little Powerpoint presentations. ‘Cause the world needs more so boring I could plotz.

And I lied. I love rubbing your face in it.