As the endless summer stretches out before me like a million patients etherized upon a million tables — in those private clinics that Doug Ford swears are not the beginning of the end of public health care in Ontario — I realize with horror that I don’t have enough entertainment to keep me going until September. Not … Continue reading Lazy, Hazy, Crazy Doug-Days of Summer
Just dim the lights on your way out, dude. Working like a Trojan — I wonder, does that mean one of the soldiers from ancient Troy? The celebrated horse? Or the prophylactic? I can never decide — pulling together the latest collection of my writing, and even though it’s really a simple task of deciding on my best, funniest … Continue reading John Tory’s Heart is “Broken”
it helps me forget how awful we've become 1. Awful Sex I'M SUFFERING TODAY FROM Eine-kleine-schokolade-kuchen-schade, the bewildered, shmooshed-together feelings of shame, hopelessness and despair I experience walking home from the corner store, having purchased a pack of "Two-Bite Brownies" for later, mindful delectation. But I am desperately empty now and I eat them en … Continue reading Serious Two-Bite Brownie Habit
But before we get to that—poor Meghan Marple, Duchess of Sussex! Right? That's all. I start my day with that simple novena to the difficulty of being a beige-colored quasi-Royal in a world where pink-and-white full-bore Royals are no longer respected, even coming as they do from a long, distinguished line of Mountbatten-Windsor-Bowes-Lyon cannibals and … Continue reading A Little Knowledge in All the Wrong Hands
When Conservatives Speak, The World Shakes Its Head Every so often I like to turn the attention away from my game-changing opinions about important world events, written by me, and posted by me, on this blog; give everyone some time off from the exhausting and self-esteem-shattering grind of admitting how much better our society, our … Continue reading However-gate!
Lockdown lunacy, a challenge for Nicole—and Trump's "come-as-dumb-as-you-are" farewell party, with sparklers. I’M PANDEMICKED, WHO ARE YOU? ARE you Pandemicked, too? Did you awaken this morning, as I did, with a stone for a heart, and emitting a groan that echoed through the inner city like twelve ambulances en route to a burning trap house? … Continue reading A Forced March Into an Already-Old New Year
and I cannot stop touching my face Part 1: Hurray! A Virus that's not gay! IN THIS BRAVE, NEW, NOVEL CORONAVIRUS world, I'm not afraid of what I might encounter on the streets, in the produce section of Loblaw's or on a crowded streetcar. I'm afraid of what I'll encounter at home. In what should … Continue reading I’m Coping Very Well by Ignoring Reality
... and now, back to reality. The natural ruling party of Canada, the Liberals, didn't exactly ace the election, but, considering Justin's lapses of taste at costume parties and his penchant for making little Attorney General girls cry, they didn't do too badly. Doug Ford still looks like this, though: I don't want to confuse … Continue reading Well, thank gawd THAT’s over…
Hi, I'm like, Susan Dreamy? D.D? That's Doctress of Dreaminess, OK? And I'm here today to help you live a dreamy, Life? Also to talk to you about the things that are really, really, Like, important? OK? So let's get, like, started? So Dug-Up Ford and like, the Conservatives in Ontario, have, like. Your kids best interests. … Continue reading Keep your kids, like. Ignorcent?! (TM) with Dug-Up Ford and Susan Dreamy, D.D.
I admit that “perfectly good excuse” thing sounds a little defensive, and it didn't work with Miss Smedley, either, but it's been AGES since I've posted something. This blog, the tainted well from which I drew the idea and some of the content for my book —the cranky, anti-social triplets named PeeDeeEf, Epub and Paperback … Continue reading I have a perfectly good excuse +PLUS+ I SOOOOO Don’t Dig Dug-Up Ford