No Health in Us

What white people talk about when they talk about racism… … We have left undone those things which we ought to have done; And we have done those things which we ought not to have done; And there is no health in us … —from the order for Morning Prayer, Book of Common Prayer, 1662Continue reading “No Health in Us”

On Differences of Opinion

Flash mobs of stupid conservative bigots are monopolizing our headspace OCCASIONALLY, DEAR READER, I AM FORCED to come up with a statement of principles. This usually happens when I’ve been online, getting exasperated by and attempting to respond to the comments of conservatives who are all in a panic about some class of people theyContinue reading “On Differences of Opinion”

A convenient hero…

… and a broken promise. FREDERICK DOUGLASS, A BLACK MAN who escaped from slavery in the state of Maryland and through monumental efforts of self-education and determination became one of the most celebrated abolitionists, activists, writers, orators and statesmen of the nineteenth-century, is celebrated as an American hero. This astonishes me, though not because heContinue reading “A convenient hero…”

A Case of Dementia in Squirrels

lost: a few nuts randomly buried under the Statue of Fuckery WHATEVER YOU POST IN AN INTERNET FORUM, no matter how bat-shit insane or obviously fueled by malice, becomes instantly and indisputably true, provided you make your case with the absolute conviction of a Supreme Court justice and the fire and brimstone of a born-againContinue reading “A Case of Dementia in Squirrels”

This is How You Blackmail Jeff Bezos, Guys DEAR MR. BEZOS: YEAH, SO. JUST READ the descriptions of those pics the National Enquirer got their hands on, and should Amazon customers see them — which would clearly be in their best interest — they would, quite frankly, question your business judgment. I certainly do! I do also have justContinue reading

Little brother is watching you, aghast, and also ever so slightly enviously.

AS I STOOD NAKED IN MY KITCHEN THE OTHER MORNING, smoking my first Pall Mall Red of the day, desperate for a pee and staring with pink, watery rabbit eyes at the jars of Colombian Roast, Gold Espresso and Special Regular Blend flash-frozen crystals while debating my options— —whether I should dredge up a greasyContinue reading “Little brother is watching you, aghast, and also ever so slightly enviously.”

Don’t Drop the Democracy

the morning after the U.S. mid-terms is one big macaroni picture Well, well, well, America. Aren’t we full of surprises. You little freckle-faced rascals! You’ve done something good. You’ve made a start on redeeming yourself; made a little wobbly-oopsy baby-step towards taking America from a state of total insanity back to the regular, day-to-day stateContinue reading “Don’t Drop the Democracy”

Can You Spot All Eight TrumpTicks On This Muffin? CDC Creeps Out Internet With Horrific Viral Post!

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) have tweeted a photo of a muffin that has ruined muffins for everybody. Trumpticks, with their tiny minds and even twinier hwands, can totally spoil your day should you accidentally ingest some of their toxic ideas, which have been described as “completely indigestible”. The merest nibble onContinue reading “Can You Spot All Eight TrumpTicks On This Muffin? CDC Creeps Out Internet With Horrific Viral Post!”

I frickin’ Hate Bernie Sanders, I don’t need logical reasons and I don’t give you any. {NSFW warning}

But first, a word from one of my cartoon personae, Her Royal Insufferability, The Princess of Happy. “ Things I’m Princess-Happy About! I ride the vanilla ice-cream sky in a cotton-candy fuelled rocket ship shaped like a cartoon turret window. Yeah bite me, commoner! If I try hard enough I can move my face aContinue reading “I frickin’ Hate Bernie Sanders, I don’t need logical reasons and I don’t give you any. {NSFW warning}”

Planting little kisses all over my face in the mirror…

I mean, normally that’s YOUR job, gentle and misguided reader.  But I’ll give you the day off from following my EULA to the very letter.   You deserve this not for any action on your part – puhLEEEASE! – but  because I have triumphed over the forces of darkness that have been swirling around my anklesContinue reading “Planting little kisses all over my face in the mirror…”