Skipping Rhymes for Gen-Z, #2

Forget the Plague, the next gen has to process less-predictable horrors HERE I AM, STILL UNDERCOVER at the Acme Prep School, disguising myself with chocolate milk moustaches, playing with Dinky Toys at recess and praying the Grade Ones to Eights don’t notice. The things I do for this blog! If I have to choke downContinue reading “Skipping Rhymes for Gen-Z, #2”

I’m Just So Very Much NOT Hysterical About Notre-Dame de Paris

Let’s burn the rest of them down, too. YES, GENTLE READERS, TODAY’S THEME IS “disasters, real or imagined” and to kick off, I must apologize for my absence from these bloggy parts during the last few weeks. You know how much I crave your attention, and the very quickest among you will therefore deduce thatContinue reading “I’m Just So Very Much NOT Hysterical About Notre-Dame de Paris”

If I had any idea who Tucker Carlson was…

… I’d probably be ashamed to admit it. As I was lounging on my balcony this evening, listlessly picking at the plate of shoestring potatoes I’d prepared for myself, and watching the rainy wind plaster shredded pieces of tissue, and pages from NOW Magazine covered with pictures of naked women, and empty Cheetos bags ontoContinue reading “If I had any idea who Tucker Carlson was…”

Serious two-bite brownie habit

David discovers homophobia under the right’s opposition to the Ontario sex education curriculum; and wonders if the AIDS crisis of the ’80’s and the death of an older generation of gay male mentors is the real reason for a douchebag generation of the sexually awful.

How Much is a [Gay] Life Worth?

twenty-five years with the possibility of parole Bruce McArthur, the serial killer who targeted gay men in Toronto from 2010 to 2017 — yes, for eight years — and who evaded capture even after being brought in for questioning as a suspect in 2013, was finally caught, say Toronto Police, “after we got aggressive.” * * all italic text inContinue reading “How Much is a [Gay] Life Worth?”

This is How You Blackmail Jeff Bezos, Guys DEAR MR. BEZOS: YEAH, SO. JUST READ the descriptions of those pics the National Enquirer got their hands on, and should Amazon customers see them — which would clearly be in their best interest — they would, quite frankly, question your business judgment. I certainly do! I do also have justContinue reading

Keep your kids, like. Ignorcent?! (TM) with Dug-Up Ford and Susan Dreamy, D.D.

Hi, I’m like, Susan Dreamy?  D.D?  That’s Doctress of Dreaminess, OK?  And I’m here today to help you live a dreamy, Life?  Also to talk to you about the things that are really, really, Like, important?  OK?  So let’s get, like, started? So Dug-Up Ford and like, the Conservatives in Ontario, have, like. Your kids best interests. AtContinue reading “Keep your kids, like. Ignorcent?! (TM) with Dug-Up Ford and Susan Dreamy, D.D.”

Planting little kisses all over my face in the mirror…

I mean, normally that’s YOUR job, gentle and misguided reader.  But I’ll give you the day off from following my EULA to the very letter.   You deserve this not for any action on your part – puhLEEEASE! – but  because I have triumphed over the forces of darkness that have been swirling around my anklesContinue reading “Planting little kisses all over my face in the mirror…”

A-fobbin’ off we go, a-fobbin’ off we go…!

  I appear to have reached an all-time low, which, seeing where the bar is situated, makes me limbo champion of the universe as I touch the back of my balding scalp to my yellowed heels. I had been thinking it was time to post again, but, being too beaten down and so very danglingContinue reading “A-fobbin’ off we go, a-fobbin’ off we go…!”

From My Squalid Kitchen: Episode 6—Mature Mayonnaise Marathon

UPDATE: I received this heartfelt email from a “fan”: “ Dear Wannabe Film Maker Who Can’t Even Operate His Smartphone: Me and a couple of other male colleagues booked maternity leave so we could watch your “Mayonnaise” epic, which clocked in at 20 minutes of nothing but you stirring an egg in a bowl. TalkContinue reading “From My Squalid Kitchen: Episode 6—Mature Mayonnaise Marathon”