Ballad of the Good Shepherd Sandwich (NSFW)

The plastic sandwich bag from the shelter was helpfully labelled “God loves you. Ham and Cheese.” I took it from there… into a realm of pure, puerile, polymorphous perverse filth, so, like, NSFW. Or anywhere, really. Don’t say I didn’t warn ya. MY PAPPA HAD A SAYIN’ That seemed to help him copeNo matter heContinue reading “Ballad of the Good Shepherd Sandwich (NSFW)”

Some pics of {dis}interest from the innerweb…

…though I may have mixed up the captions. Hey, I’m 64, so kindly ease up on your running victory laps around me as you hold aloft your Pulitzer Prize for Too-Clever-By-Half. And, sorry, but have we met? Anyway, I’m extremely upset right now, so please at least pay attention so I can milk this forContinue reading “Some pics of {dis}interest from the innerweb…”

SlowPainful: Director’s Cut, cha-cha-cha!

Well, it’s good news, here at bittersweet-comic-personal-essay-political-satire-with-a pimento-stuffed-olive-and-a-twist-of-gay-as-a-goose bootcamp. I’m done.  Not just done.  Done, or even DONE.  There’s nothing more. I am squeezed dry, like a lemon wedge squeezed repeatedly by a blue-haired lady over her Dover sole in the dining room of her cheap seaside bed and breakfast, somewhere on the south coastContinue reading “SlowPainful: Director’s Cut, cha-cha-cha!”

Can You Spot All Eight TrumpTicks On This Muffin? CDC Creeps Out Internet With Horrific Viral Post!

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) have tweeted a photo of a muffin that has ruined muffins for everybody. Trumpticks, with their tiny minds and even twinier hwands, can totally spoil your day should you accidentally ingest some of their toxic ideas, which have been described as “completely indigestible”. The merest nibble onContinue reading “Can You Spot All Eight TrumpTicks On This Muffin? CDC Creeps Out Internet With Horrific Viral Post!”

I frickin’ Hate Bernie Sanders, I don’t need logical reasons and I don’t give you any. {NSFW warning}

But first, a word from one of my cartoon personae, Her Royal Insufferability, The Princess of Happy. “ Things I’m Princess-Happy About! I ride the vanilla ice-cream sky in a cotton-candy fuelled rocket ship shaped like a cartoon turret window. Yeah bite me, commoner! If I try hard enough I can move my face aContinue reading “I frickin’ Hate Bernie Sanders, I don’t need logical reasons and I don’t give you any. {NSFW warning}”

Just getting up from the Ditch of Despond and climbing back onto the Carousel of Crazy: An overview

Hello, many of you have written to ask if I’m OK. Actually, that’s a blatant lie, not a single one of you has written, sent a message in an old Shiraz bottle, hired a bird from “Carrier Pigeons Plus” or done any of those “too busy to express how little I care but spending a portionContinue reading “Just getting up from the Ditch of Despond and climbing back onto the Carousel of Crazy: An overview”

Done Done Done! PLUS: “The Kytt-yger!” + Fun Facts About Literary Icons #14

Never forget how good I am to you.  Deal? First off, let this be my official announcement: There’s an idée fixe that’s been taking up WAY too much of my mental real estate. So, to make way for more positive, healing thoughts, let me say that I am DONE DONE DONE with posting my –Continue reading “Done Done Done! PLUS: “The Kytt-yger!” + Fun Facts About Literary Icons #14″

Social Awareness: The Day, The Ribbon, The Sorrow

You may be wondering. I know you may be wondering because you’ve been texting me  “???’” repeatedly since two this morning when I didn’t respond in under a nanosecond to your message consisting of “Sup?” Well, “sup” is, to my chagrin, National “Walk-In-Front-of-David-Reeeaaal-Slowly-with-a-Cane-While-Being-Elderly” Day.  Which will explain why I didn’t make our afternoon hook-up where you wanted both of us toContinue reading “Social Awareness: The Day, The Ribbon, The Sorrow”

Breaking news: Young whippersnapper tries to be as funny as me. Almost succeeds.

It is with a self-consciously pained facial expression, and in my best Walter Brennan voice on the words “young whippersnapper”, that I announce an annoyingly successful attempt to bring laughter to the unwashed masses – that’s you, in case you haven’t had a discreet sniff recently – by someone whose age – by the look of theirContinue reading “Breaking news: Young whippersnapper tries to be as funny as me. Almost succeeds.”

Low-paw Entertainment: Never forget how good I am to you

An interim post while I think of something, anything, more interesting to throw your way.   My life is largely absorbed with how to entertain, impress, and otherwise get you to validate me.  So how about a little appreciation.  Well, then, here we go, and it’s probably more impressive than you expected.  Which is aContinue reading “Low-paw Entertainment: Never forget how good I am to you”