Serious Two-Bite Brownie Habit

it helps me forget how awful we've become 1. Awful Sex I'M SUFFERING TODAY FROM Eine-kleine-schokolade-kuchen-schade, the bewildered, shmooshed-together feelings of shame, hopelessness and despair I experience walking home from the corner store, having purchased a pack of "Two-Bite Brownies" for later, mindful delectation. But I am desperately empty now and I eat them en … Continue reading Serious Two-Bite Brownie Habit →

It’s Official: I Am a Horrible Person

Hey, it's you guys who insisted on thinking of me as "nice." SOMETHING HAPPENS WHEN YOU HIT sixty, or, to make this as painfully specific as possible, the last couple of months of sixty-four-ness. That's right. On September 21st, 2020, I will officially be sixty-five years old. And what happens is me, unmoored. I've cut … Continue reading It’s Official: I Am a Horrible Person →

Synchroni-City

a trip to the mall yields a gift from the gods of chance "North York," Illustration by David Roddis. Photo credits: ethan johnson/roman mager/victor xok/antoine dautry via unsplash SATURDAY: AN EX-ROOMMATE DROPS BY with a friend who’s in town to see the Raptors play. (I’m not sure, but I think the Raptors are some kind of … Continue reading Synchroni-City →

Serious two-bite brownie habit

David discovers homophobia under the right's opposition to the Ontario sex education curriculum; and wonders if the AIDS crisis of the '80's and the death of an older generation of gay male mentors is the real reason for a douchebag generation of the sexually awful.

We have e-book!

My e-book is here! Start 2018 dyspeptically right! Download a free sample ! Over 200 hilarious, quirky, satirical, silly, shocking and chortle-out-loud pages, suitable for laugh marathons or for dipping into at your leisure. (Think “Quality Street”, but without your dog staring at you as you unwrap the cellophane.) With all-new content, delightfully dyspeptic memes, bold and “artistic” (= weird) photo-illustrations and thoughtful lists to … Continue reading We have e-book! →

Geezerdämmerung

Sitting in my newly organized, tidied, House-and-Gardened living room (see above), listening to Beethoven, the Sonata for Violin and Piano in F, Op. 24 ("Spring"). I have that delicious convalescent feeling, frailty borne with a light spirit; I feel as though I'm transparent. My thorny roommate equation, which had vexed until now both muggins … Continue reading Geezerdämmerung →

“I Feel Like I’m Dressed Really Faggy Today” : A Meditation. ++PLUS++ The Reviews are in!

Director's notes: This video is, like, about that moment when you're, like, walking downtown OK and then you suddenly go all wtf I'm dressed really faggy lol ! LMAO!! And you want to go home and change but, like, you have no home and the world feels dangerous? Like WTF???!!! ©Male Camel Toe Productions, … Continue reading “I Feel Like I’m Dressed Really Faggy Today” : A Meditation. ++PLUS++ The Reviews are in! →

The “Gay Agenda” finally Revealed

click on the image to reveal the horror Yes, it's true. The social conservatives were right: there's a culture war. We gays have been planning it since, oh, since we were comparing make-up on the school playground. We just want to make sure that there's a new, fresh crop of gay kids so there'll always … Continue reading The “Gay Agenda” finally Revealed →

The insider secrets of my fabulous life! #1 in an unending series +PLUS+ Luxury Hack #5,304: Make your Infinity Tub into a FREE Jacuzzi!

Fabulous Life Insider Secret #1: Foam bath with acolyte. Quick summary for the ADHD set: Feeling stressed? Have yourself a foam bath attended by one of your acolytes! Yeah, that's it. Aren't you just kicking yourself and/or smacking yourself in the forehead with your open palm as you realize how this obvious solution was staring you right … Continue reading The insider secrets of my fabulous life! #1 in an unending series +PLUS+ Luxury Hack #5,304: Make your Infinity Tub into a FREE Jacuzzi! →

New Year’s Resolutions +plus+ : Step aside and don your catcher’s masks…

... while I haul back, preparatory to bitch-slapping the year formerly known as Little Miss 2015 from here to Des Moines and back. Hasta la vista, withered old putana of a year, and go dance your hobnail-booted habañera on someone else's empañada! Be it ever so faint, the next sound you hear will be my chapped, whitish lips - and believe me when … Continue reading New Year’s Resolutions +plus+ : Step aside and don your catcher’s masks… →