Being Thankful is SUCH a Bitch

PLUS: Come back to daddy Yesterday was Canadian Thanksgiving, which always takes place on the second Monday in October. I can hear everyone tittering condescendingly about our sad, off-kilter and irrelevant Canadian habits and how we’re just so obviously and sycophantically trying to be American, like little brother checking his pee-pee, then peeking at bigContinue reading “Being Thankful is SUCH a Bitch”

Whatever Shall We Do About Justin?

You need to know that Trudeauphobia has its roots in the fear and loathing of straight males who are closing in for the kill. A clarification MOST OF US, HAVING SEEN Sophie-Grégoire and Justin Trudeau caught in a candid moment gazing adoringly into each other’s eyes, or photogenically romping around with their three children; orContinue reading “Whatever Shall We Do About Justin?”

Canadian Conservatives Threaten Legal Action on Being Told Justin Trudeau Just a Regular Guy, Not Devil Spawn

and BREAKING NEWS: Maxime Bernier is NOT GAY STUNNED Members of the Conservative Party of Canada (CPC) and the People’s Party of Canada (PPC) are threatening legal action—or at the very least, a nasty, pouty-lipped sulk— after determining that Justin Trudeau is just a regular, normal human dude and not the High Priest of SatanicContinue reading “Canadian Conservatives Threaten Legal Action on Being Told Justin Trudeau Just a Regular Guy, Not Devil Spawn”

I Have Been Recalcitrant, Thank You, and Yourself?

In the twenty-first century, truth is a personalized experience. This is how it works: The title gives a tantalizing glimpse of the theme; the subtitle teases, or elaborates, or sells the title out by explaining it for you. Simple, right? Here’s a current example. Title: “Triggered” Subtitle: “How the Left Thrives on Hate and Wants to Silence Us.“ AContinue reading “I Have Been Recalcitrant, Thank You, and Yourself?”

New Blackface Fridays Prove Popular with Trudeau Cabinet

+PLUS+ No Treatment On the Horizon for “CRUD” (Canadians Really Undermining Democracy) JUSTIN TRUDEAU, FRESH FROM HIS “WIN” IN THE RECENT Canadian Federal Election, has capitalized on Canadians’ surprisingly laid-back response to his infamous blackface pics by instituting “Blackface Fridays,” the new Parliamentary equivalent of corporate casual days. “Canadians used their common sense,” he explained,Continue reading “New Blackface Fridays Prove Popular with Trudeau Cabinet”

All? Or Nothing at All?

I’m all for ideals. Some common sense would be good, too. To kick off today’s in-depth exploration of the obvious, let me ask you a question: Who gives a flying fuck about a miserable, bigoted, old white guy sportscaster with bad taste in clothing and worse taste in philosophy? As it happens, I’m the firstContinue reading “All? Or Nothing at All?”

Well, thank gawd THAT’s over…

… and now, back to reality. The natural ruling party of Canada, the Liberals, didn’t exactly ace the election, but, considering Justin’s lapses of taste at costume parties and his penchant for making little Attorney General girls cry, they didn’t do too badly. Doug Ford still looks like this, though: I don’t want to confuseContinue reading “Well, thank gawd THAT’s over…”

Federal Election, 2019

there’s nothing a Canadian hates more than success Canadians have this too-diffident attitude. It’s the attitude of an awkward, polite, but secretly superior adolescent who goes “awww, shucks” when company comes for dinner, then next day draws smutty pictures of the dinner guests on a public toilet’s wall. If we had more sense of ourContinue reading “Federal Election, 2019”

Justin Scandals, Count How Many

The skipping rhymes of Generation Z … …with a nod to the 2019 Canadian Federal Election I’VE BEEN UNDERCOVER IN MY SAILOR SUIT AND adorable Hudson’s Bay dress shorts (available in Québec only in polyester, due to the current shortage of “pure laine;” nous sommes très très fucking désolés), chatting about Dr Seuss and reminiscing about TheContinue reading “Justin Scandals, Count How Many”