A Contest!

Win Awesome Prizes (a free copy of The Book).

Hello Dear Readers

I appreciate so much that you take the time to read my—I never know what to call them. Diatribes? Pieces? Articles? Glimmerings of brilliance? Liberal claptrap?

Well, thank you kindly, you friendly, altogether-too-honest-for-your-own-good SOB! Continue to click like me! really like me! and feel free to suggest topics you’d like me to cover.

Anyway. I came up with a contest for everyone who’s clicked on that little “Subscribe” button to the right (or, because I’m as woke as your grandad, if you’re on your mobile device thingy, the subscribe button is at the end of this piece, so like DOWN BELOW. ?)

OK, so I made up a contest for you but really? It’s all about me. You got me! Outed! My dirty secret and shameless agenda of getting more subscribers is revealed! Like, BUSTED!


  1. If you haven’t already done so, subscribe to this blog by entering your email address in the handy box to the top right—a little higher, sweetie, that’s it—and hitting “Enter.”

    Then you’ll have to go to your email client and confirm that you want to subscribe, as though you had a fugue episode and are wandering around the collector lanes of the Gardiner Expressway in your bathrobe, having forgotten you subscribed.

    Is there no end to the harassment of my readers by the cross-dressing, perambulator-pushing nattering nabobs of the Nanny-state?

    Subscribing will be construed as permission to scratch your back while you scratch mine, just please don’t withdraw your consent half-way through, then purposely black your eye, call the cops and say it was me, OK?

    Moving along:
  2. Read the previous post, “A Lexicon of Conservative Invective“, just to refresh your memory. Or just look at it and pretend to read it while still staring at your smartphone. I’m not going to make an issue of it when my fame is in the balance.
  3. Identify the three Republican hooligans politicians portrayed in the hero image at the top of the article (like this: “X” is on the left, “Y” is in the centre, “Z” is on the right. Give their full names.).
  4. Send your answer to me at: david@slowpainful.com

The subscriber whose correct answer reaches me first, according to the timestamp in the email, will receive
a signed paperback copy of my book,
“A Slow, Painful Death Would Be Too Good for You
(and Other Observations)” !

Four runners-up (max) will receive a copy of the e-book version.

Don’t delay! Contest closes Monday, February 28th at 23:59



  1. Anyone of the age of majority where they live may enter, anywhere in the world.
  2. All entrants must first subscribe to my blog using the “subscribe” button to the right.
  3. My book is in English.
  4. My decision of who wins is final.
  5. Paperback, if awarded, will be sent standard mail and may take up to six weeks to arrive depending on the destination.
  6. Runners-up must have submitted the correct answer.

Tell us what you think. Keep it civil, yet interesting.