hElTeR-sHeLtEr: Pandemic Pastimes #3: Photoshop flânerie

depict Hollywood icons in coronavirus-inspired joaillerie

ELIZABETH TAYLOR, FAMOUS FOR HER SCREECHY untrained voice, stunning beauty, stilted “acting” and appetite for husbands and substances both

licit and il-, in the parure gifted to her by Richard Burton—Liz and dick, dick and Liz! we sighed, with some justification—after their first date, hence the nickname, “The Grope Diamonds.”

Modeled after the novel coronavirus—but an old version, so, the first-draft or maybe galley-proofs coronavirus—by famed Montreal jeweler Auguste Ponce-de-mon-cul, they were worth, oh, I don’t know, how big will make you gasp? Three hundred kajillion? Done, three hundred kajillion dollars, which was only a week’s salary for our hot-to-trot temptress.

That’s why she threw them back in Dick’s face, settling instead for a good old bender on Southern Comfort, which is what she actually wanted in the first place, then a huge drunken row in which they laid waste to an entire floor of their hotel. True love!

The gay community is grateful to Taylor for her early and brave advocacy for AIDS patients, also for being so chock full of chemicals she was, actually, for a few years, considered a last-ditch experimental treatment. Did you see her hug Rock Hudson? Yeah, there you go, so she tried.

Photo by Karsh, I very much doubt. But someone who had their Brownie ready

before she did the throwing back.


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