UPDATE: I received this heartfelt email from a “fan”:

“

Dear Wannabe Film Maker Who Can’t Even Operate His Smartphone:

Me and a couple of other male colleagues booked maternity leave so we could watch your “Mayonnaise” epic, which clocked in at 20 minutes of nothing but you stirring an egg in a bowl. Talk about bait and switch! We tried to cancel and go back to work, but you know. Until Planned Parenthood mans up and drops the pro-female PC liberal bullshit, we’re basically fucked.

It’s like, over for us, but maybe you could edit it down a bit, for the sake of. You know. Personkind.

Also, do you know where we can score some good weed? We’ll be at the food bank today, just before it closes. Thanks, dude.

”

So I had another go at the edit and I’ve got it down to 12 minutes – that’s seven minutes less. This video is now tighter than Kirstie Alley’s thigh warmers.  Sorry, culottes.

And THAT’s the way (uh-huh uh-huh) we all now apparently LIKE it (uh-huh uh-huh).  Enjoy!

~

What can you do at 62 with an egg yolk and some oil? If you guessed “get a guaranteed seat on the subway”, you’d only be partially right.

This is the second attempt at this episode, after I forgot to turn the camera on, dropped the yolk in the sink, and watched a large roach stampede by during the first attempt. But if you’re into the “gross factor”, never fear—I make the mayo while smoking.

There’s no planning in any of this, you know. None.