I follow on this site, and I flatter myself that you might like to know about them. Play along—you have no idea how needy I can get.
- I’d put you on salary to wake up every morning and click my “Like” buttons if I could afford to.
- I use a lot of special characters, especially the “M-dash” (—), curly quotes (“ ”) and my favorite, the right guillemet (») which I use to set off a link, now that it’s no longer those heady “I just coded my first web page by hand in only two and half months and filled it with animated GIFs of PAC-MAN” days, when the geeks waged war on the creatives and mandated that all links for ever and all time would be underlined in bright blue when unvisited, but dime-store-lipstick red when active. So I’m scared you might not notice them.
- I also spend a lot of time memorizing the Unicode key combinations for these special characters, which I realize is about as impressive as the check-out millennial at Loblaws knowing the product code for broccoli.
Links to external sites:
- All external links open in a new window. Always. So get over your “pop-ups thing”. This is no longer those heady etc. etc. (see “I use a lot of special characters”, above).
- I’m not necessarily endorsing the content of any external site. Go there at your own risk. But I usually approve of the content I’ve linked to, because why would I publicize it otherwise? You know something, I just thought of that.
- If it’s not already obvious, all writing on this site is my original work and is ©David Roddis, 2014-2017, except short quotes and excerpts where noted.
- My writing is covered by a Creative Commons “Pass off this work as your own and say goodbye to answering your front door after 5 P.M.” license.
- I even took a lot of the photographs, but not all of them. The ones I didn’t take myself I stole from the Internet. Honestly. Do I look like I have access to Melania Trump? I try to keep my weight down, but I’m still too big and unimportant to hide in a fake Egyptian urn and just jump up with a Nikon and a speedlight and snap her before she’s had a chance to Photoshop her face.
- If I’ve stolen your image and you’re not suitably grateful for the extra notice it’s getting you, but instead are feeling all resentful and antsy about it, send me an email and I’ll apologize to you and take it down. I really will. But trust me when I tell you that I’ll roll my eyes and sigh when I do it, which anyway you won’t see.
Privacy and use of personal information:
- Really? You spend your days off in a negligée doing “exotic dancing” on Chaturbate and you’re worried I might find out your address? Never fear. Bro’s gotta stick together, Yo!
- You probably have to give an email address when you comment so I know you’re not a bot. As if I care! Which reminds me, I’m still trying to fool Margaret Atwood into lending me her celebrated remote-signature machine, which I will then use to sign her name to abusive comments about Alice Munro before posting them to the Times Literary Supplement. Let “The Divine Feud, Canadian style” begin!
- If you purchase any of my heart-stoppingly beautiful merch, the whole shebang will be handled either by PayPal or Shopify, both of whom use the latest 4K-Ultimocryptothon technology to make sure your pre-paid gift card from Shopper’s Drug Mart is safe.
- I never have access at any time to the personal information you provide during the purchase process.
- Note to George Clooney: You gave up your right to privacy when you stole my heart, baby—
—now answer the fucking phone.