Donald Trump is America’s best known billionaire, demagogue and Supreme Leader. Through his educational initiative, Trump University, he shares his secrets of success and empowers anyone with a billion in inherited wealth to make their dreams a reality with his unique system of false advertising, back-room deals, out-and-out fraud and the occasional death threat* (*Level II) .
“The American Dream is not dependent on intelligence, empathy, education, customer care or any other socialist-libtard doo-dads,” he says, with characteristic “tell it like it is” frankness. “It’s all about having so much fuckin’ money coming outta your ass that no one can even touch ya!
Mr. Trump cites P.T. Barnum and Saddam Hussein as his most formative influences.
Look for his new book , “Mein Trumpf!”, on the New York Times’s Bestseller List, where he’s sure it will be once everyone in the United States » obeys Directive TR-048c « and buys a copy.
You’ll be the life of your next mandatory “Praise to the Supreme Leader For All Eternity” official gathering when you master these howlers! Knee-slapping and choking on your rum punch optional (but recommended — you never know who that “new neighbour” might be reporting to!).
Seriously? It’s me, Donald Trump, asshole! Listen, sweetheart, do you know how well liked I am? I’m YUGE!!!
Donald Trump walks into a bar, where he sees a rabbi, an imam and a priest having a talk with some illegal Mexican immigrants.
Hi guys, he says. Let’s make America great again!
Then he gives a signal and suddenly — the imam and all the Mexicans are being herded into a black van with bags over their heads!!!
Donald Trump — stop me if you heard this before — orders a hooker through an online website. When she arrives at Trump Tower, she’s everything he hoped for: Tall, leggy, blond hair, perfect tits the size of basketballs and a keister you could really sink your teeth into.
So he fucks her, pays her fee plus a big tip — then activates the nuclear codes!!!
A little old lady is walking her toy poodle down Fifth Avenue in New York. Suddenly she sees Donald Trump coming out of a condo.
“Hey, Donald Trump!” she calls out. “You cocksucker! Gimme my money back!”
Then she hurls the dog at his face. “Eat poodle shit!” she screams.
So Trump takes out his Glock, and — still with the dog on his face, right? — starts like, randomly shooting!!!
I know, seriously! Oh, man, I wish you coulda seen it! Went for a couple beers after.
Are you fucking kidding? Listen, wiseguy, all the chicks on The Apprentice came on to me. All of them! Sooner or later. I mean, you gotta expect it, right? How much you wanna bet I’m gonna hit you so hard your head will spin?
Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump are lying in bed together having a post-coital cigarette. Donald’s sulking.
“If you can’t satisfy me, what makes you think you can satisfy America?” says Hillary, with scorn. Then she takes pity on him. “Baby, I’m sorry I mentioned the toupée.”
Two weeks later, her dismembered body is discovered when a couple of kids stumble upon a large Louis Vuitton trunk that’s been dumped near the Bethesda Fountain in Central Park.
“I told them to hack her,” Trump says, when informed of the discovery.
“Those crazy Russians musta taken me literally!!”
There really is nothing remotely funny about Donald Trump.