Trump: “Hillary stole my campaign slogan!” +PLUS+ Trump! jokes?



trump campaign

“Hillary Clinton is a piece of work, I tell ya.

“Isn’t she a piece of work? This would be a great time to applaud!

“And corrupt!   Hoo, boy! Can you believe she stole my campaign slogan? That’s ‘Old Sticky Fingers’ to a tee. And to think I can remember a time when we only called Bill that!

“It’s a shame ’cause the slogan has always been and always will be about me and my homeboys and how we support each other in being the absolute very best autocratic leaders we can be.

“And when one of us loose cannons has any old half-baked idea — well, there’s nothing we like better than to get together over a few beers and nurture that stinker until we’ve taken simple bad-boy economic hijinks and turbo-charged them into world-destabilizing shenanigans of historical proportions!

“It’s a guy thing, it’s a competitive thing, and it’s beautiful. Isn’t it beautiful?

“ ’Cause guys love to have heroes. I tell ya, guys love to have heroes. Did I say that already?  Well, they do. They love to see someone achieve the way I’ve achieved, they love to hang with me, watch the game, shoot the breeze. They do!

“It’s male bonding at its finest, minus the blowjobs, and very, very occasionally, not minus, as Vladimir will tell you given half a chance. Hell, given half a chance he’ll SHOW you!

“What it boils down to is this: You take a kajillion dollars from your dad and invest in schemes that cannot fail and go bankrupt four times. Yeah, you. Yeah, well, I’d like to see you try.

“Four times? You’d probably still be buying yachts and personal Lear jets and small Greek islands and emerald tiaras with stones the size of plovers’ eggs and literally kilos of the best Colombian shit, trying to make a dent in your inheritance, and yet, day after day — not only NOT a dent — interest on the principal!

“So don’t even think of taking me on. Leave the hard slog to the entrepreneurial genius. You understand that’s me, right?

“As for that socialist-libtard Hillary Rodham Clinton — socialist-libtard, you love that, don’t you? Yes, you do!

“Trust me, I know how to handle that kind of broad. You just have to get her outta that goddamn pantsuit and get it onto you.

“No question about it. YOU gotta wear the pants, and if that leaves her standing there in her scanties and bra, well, tough titties, Miz Hillary-Wannabe-POTUS. You wanna compete in a man’s game, sweetheart, you got no business wearing anything below the waist.

“Now, I say fuck all this PC bullshit and let’s see how crooked Hillary enjoys a few refreshing hours of waterboarding!

“Waterboarding for Hillary!  Whaddaya think? You agree with me? Of course you do!  This would be a great time to applaud!

“Anyway, gotta step on it — I see a cloud of dry ice headin’ our way and if I miss this one it’s a twenty-minute wait. Now that’s something that’s gonna be fixed!

“OK, guys and gals! See ya in the White House! Probably in the basement, where I’m planning a few more, shall we say, “guest rooms”. Yeah, well. Socialist-libtards, consider yourself advised.

“This would be a great time to applaud!!  Did I say that already?!”

Donald I
Supreme Leader

BIOGRAPHY:

Donald Trump is America’s best known billionaire, demagogue and Supreme Leader. Through his educational initiative, Trump University, he shares his secrets of success and empowers anyone with a billion in inherited wealth to make their dreams a reality with his unique system of false advertising, back-room deals, out-and-out fraud and the occasional death threat* (*Level II) .

“The American Dream is not dependent on intelligence, empathy, education, customer care or any other socialist-libtard doo-dads,” he says, with characteristic “tell it like it is” frankness. “It’s all about having so much fuckin’ money coming outta your ass that no one can even touch ya!

Mr. Trump cites P.T. Barnum and Saddam Hussein as his most formative influences.

Look for his new book , “Mein Trumpf!”, on the New York Times’s Bestseller List, where he’s sure it will be once everyone in the United States » obeys Directive TR-048c « and buys a copy.


hillaryTrumpDungeon

~Trump! jokes?~

You’ll be the life of your next mandatory “Praise to the Supreme Leader For All Eternity” official gathering when you master these howlers!  Knee-slapping and choking on your rum punch optional (but recommended — you never know who that “new neighbour” might be reporting to!).

1.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Trump.
Trump who?

Seriously?  It’s me, Donald Trump, asshole! Listen, sweetheart, do you know how well liked I am? I’m YUGE!!!
~

2.

Donald Trump walks into a bar, where he sees a rabbi, an imam and a priest having a talk with some illegal Mexican immigrants.

Hi guys, he says. Let’s make America great again!

Then he gives a signal and suddenly — the imam and all the Mexicans are being herded into a black van with bags over their heads!!!
~

3.

Donald Trump — stop me if you heard this before — orders a hooker through an online website. When she arrives at Trump Tower, she’s everything he hoped for: Tall, leggy, blond hair, perfect tits the size of basketballs and a keister you could really sink your teeth into.

So he fucks her, pays her fee plus a big tip — then activates the nuclear codes!!!
~

 

4.

A little old lady is walking her toy poodle down Fifth Avenue in New York. Suddenly she sees Donald Trump coming out of a condo.

“Hey, Donald Trump!” she calls out. “You cocksucker! Gimme my money back!”

Then she hurls the dog at his face. “Eat poodle shit!” she screams.

So Trump takes out his Glock, and — still with the dog on his face, right? — starts like, randomly shooting!!!

I know, seriously! Oh, man, I wish you coulda seen it! Went fo

r a couple beers after.
~

5.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Trump.
Trump who?

Are you fucking kidding?  Listen, wiseguy, all the chicks on The Apprentice came on to me. All of them!  Sooner or later. I mean, you gotta expect it, right? How much you wanna bet I’m gonna hit you so hard your head will spin?
~

6.

Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump are lying in bed together having a post-coital cigarette. Donald’s sulking.

“If you can’t satisfy me, what makes you think you can satisfy America?” says Hillary, with scorn. Then she takes pity on him. “Baby, I’m sorry I mentioned the toupée.”

Two weeks later, her dismembered body is discovered when a couple of kids stumble upon a large Louis Vuitton trunk that’s been dumped near the Bethesda Fountain in Central Park.

“I told them to hack her,” Trump says, when informed of the discovery.

“Those crazy Russians musta taken me literally!!”


~

There really is nothing remotely funny about Donald Trump.

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