Just wanted you to be totally aware that I wasted some of my immeasurably valuable time in my Canadian Tire hip waders, sloshing through the digital swamp that is the “Innernet”, and why?
Why, the better to direct, albeit remotely, every tedious, one-more-Percocet-to-oblivion waking moment of your sorry life, that’s why.
OK? You getting this down and suitably grateful? Or at least pretending?
Armed with these cultured pearls of Woolworth-level wisdom – today’s fob-off for inspiration – your goal of achieving POTUS will seem, well, just that few pathetic millimetres closer. If you were to stick your face right up to it. Your goal, I mean.
Authentication and fact-checking: You may be wondering. These qu♥tes have been rigorously checked against my own entries on Wikipedia, “The encyclopedia you write yourself!”™ , and have received my approval.
Qu♥tes t♥, like? Live by?!! L♥L!!
“You see this triangular-shaped mark on my right cheek? You might think that was from Annie Sullivan. But you wanna know the truth? I answered the iron! Yes, seriously! Talk about your wa-WAAAA moment, eh?!
— Helen Keller
“Pierre – ! Where the ‘ell did I put ze radium ? Zut alors !!”
— Marie Curie
“Sure, I changed, like, mankind’s understanding of space and time. But I’d give it all up to have, you know. Normal hair. Seriously. Let’s make absolutely sure we’re on the same page here: I’m talking jet-black, straight, lanky, Japanese-style hair that looks like I stayed up all night ironing it.”
— Albert Einstein
“Wait a minute! Clamato juice … add vodka to clamato juice! Whatever that is! Seriously! And garnish it with – a stalk of celery! They’ll love it in Des Moines! Dude, are you getting this down?”
— Julius Caesar
(Disambiguation: NOT Caesar Salad, who succeeded him).
“Hey, what did the Queen Mother give Fergie for her birthday? A trip to Paris, dinner at the Ritz, and a chauffeur-driven limousine! I know. I don’t get it either. Anyway. What do you think with the blouse – scarf or tiara?”
— Diana, Princess ♥f Wales
Ask not what your country can do for you – just ask Marilyn to turn up around 7:20 at the Pentagon and proceed to the men’s washroom. I’ll be in stall three.
— J♥hn Fitzgerald Kennedy
The only rule is don’t be b♥ring and dress cute wherever you go. Life is too sh♥rt to blend in. <giggle>
— Nels♥n Mandela
There is no such thing as society: there are individual men and women.
In my case, individual men and women with their noses falling off in big, leprous chunks. Seriously, EWWWWW!
Talent hits a target no one else can hit; Genius hits a target no one else can see.
— Arthur Sch♥penhauer
Mediocrity hits the broad side of a barn while driving a stretch Hummer filled
with overweight bridesmaids. Sexting.
— Als♥ Sprach David R♥ddis