BREAKING NEWS: Operation to remove huge, malignant Fordoma from Toronto only partially successful.

Toronto, May 12th:   

The large, malignant Fordoma that was removed from Toronto being wheeled away.

Toronto’s prolonged suffering appeared to be at best temporarily at an end today, after an operation to remove a gigantic lump which it has been harboring for the past four years was pronounced guardedly successful.

In this grisly photo – which may cause distress to some – we see the huge, malignant Fordoma that was removed from Toronto being wheeled out of the operating theatre.

“It was touch and go for a bit in there,” said the chief surgeon, Dr Michael “Muddy” York, who appeared exhausted by the ordeal.  “This was definitely one of those aggressive 905-type invasions. They’re tenacious, those buggers!  And dumb…?  Why, I’d rather drink a steeped tea from Timmies than try to discuss Margaret Atwood when one of these low-brow scum-suckers is around!  Talk about embarrassing!”  Dr. York, overcome with emotion, added: “Toronto’s safe for the moment – but not 100% out of the woods yet.”

Toronto is heavily sedated and resting quietly in the recovery ward.  Please, no visitors.

* Actual attribution:  Photo © by 680 CityNews.  
Not really by David DelaRoddis.  Which you kind of knew.

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